Ultrasound #5...or was it #6?

Baby #3 Update:

After our scary bleed last week, and worrisome contractions this weekend, today was our follow up ultrasound appointment and scheduled mtg with a Physicians Assistant. 

Besides our 8 week appointment (which was a routine Ultrasound) our 6 week, 10 week, 12.5 week and 13.5 week appointments have all been hoping for the best and trying not to expect the worst. (all with a necessary ultrasound) Although I have had some anxiety about each appointment, I was most uneasy about this one.  This weekend, I finally sat down and tried to understand all the details that the 5 different physicians and 2 different Ultrasound Techs were conveying.  And 2 things bothered me terribly.  #1) what I was feeling in my abdomen was contracting, and when I had Sub-chorionic bleeding with Violet my doctor (whom I adored) was nervous about preterm labor until my 24 week appointment.  #2) the term Sub Chorionic Hemorrhaging.  I did my research on line (which is always dangerous, I know), and the area of bleeding was not Sub-chorionic.  What we saw in the ultrasound wasn't congruent with the defn of that type of bleed, and I couldn't get over the idea that I was "mis-diagnosed"

Well today FINALLY came, and our morning was once again sent into a whirlwind when they called around 9 to ask us to reschedule from 2:30 to 10:45. (My amazing husband and this Babys loving Daddy hasn't missed an appointment and we are praying for Grace upon Grace for the "couple" of classes he's missed!)  So we scurried to find a sitter, and took off.  

It was a DIVINE appointment.  I was so uneasy about this appointment because we were headed back to yet a different ultrasound tech, and then were to follow up with a Physicians Assistant.  I only really like the UT at the location thats farthest from us, and I HATED my one appointment with a physicians assistant.  I was getting someone I didn't now for both appointments.  I felt like the PA was reading from a script, knew nothing about me or my baby and I couldn't understand what she was telling me.  That would have been fine with my pregnancy with Benjamin.  There weren't any questions to ask besides "how fast is the heart beat?", but this time, I kinda want to know whats going on.  So, I kinda think God broke the ultrasound equipment to move us from our original appointment to the farther location earlier, with the ultrasound tech I love, and a real OB doctor.  Sigh.  So thankful.

I laid down on the chair and she found a wiggly baby right away.  Relief.  She also saw that I wasn't dilated in the least.  Even deeper sigh of Relief.  She found 4 amazingly functioning heart chambers, and perfect organs everywhere :)  So then it was question time...

I explained to her my confusion and we fired questions and she answered them all with incredible insight, clear communication and sensitive Love for little lives.  

She explained that the term Sub-Chorionic Bleeding is an over used term, and that I was right this was technically Sub Amniotic Bleeding.  That may not seem like a big deal, but I cannot explain the amount of peace I had knowing I wasn't crazy and there was something wrong with the diagnosis.  There may somewhere be a blot clot providing extra bleeding but she believes whole heartedly that my bleed is a result of the loss of my pregnancy's twin.  I have miscarried, and because I am still pregnant my body is not rejecting the baby.  If this had been a miscarriage of a single pregnancy they would have done a D&C if I hadn't passed the baby, but obviously can't because of my healthy pregnancy.  It would be dangerous if I wasn't still pregnant, but because my body is still registering pregnant it will not fight this unborn baby, and not harm me.  I will most likely continue to bleed for a while, but baby #1 is not affected at all.  The bleed is under the baby which is good.  Also, The placenta is right where they want it.  They were concerned (which I didn't know) before because they couldn't tell where it was, but are now at ease.  Lastly, my fear about my cramping and contracting was a real feeling, and not likely concern.  She explained it as uterine trauma.  My Uterus, a muscle, has been through a lot.  Between the miscarriage and the current pregnancy, the possible blood clot and who knows what else - its tired, its sore, and its acting like your leg when you get a charlie horse.  It does not seem to be labor inducing (not dilated) just alarming.  We walked out of that room having seen the cutest ultrasound pictures I have ever seen, and with more understanding of this pregnancy than I even thought possible!

So what now?!  Well, I am definitely feeling much better than yesterday.  However we will still be VERY glad to get to 24 weeks.  I am not on bed rest in the technical sense, but I am still limiting activity.  I am working on accepting help, especially during this crazy period when Joel is gone so much.  I am escaping the mental hold that the couch had on me ( I can get up and around without guilt) but I am aware of the fact that trauma on the fetus/uterus does provoke preterm labor.  I am no longer scared of it, but I am aware, and trying to error on the side of doing less.  I am thankful for some meals from my church while Joel is gone for two weeks, and maybe even some freezer meals to tide us over till our 24 week mile marker.  Im not going to be rearranging the furniture, or changing the sheets by myself right now.  I want to, but its just not worth the unknown cost.

I am so grateful for what God is teaching me about my pride-full tendencies, and His perfect character - in the highs and lows.  What a ride this has been, and I'm sure will continue to be.

Heres that cute little nose that makes me want to learn how to accept help and little lips that I cant get enough of.

Its Complicated

This morning we had a little more activity than we normally prefer.  It started pretty average with littles hopping in my bed earlier than preferred, a shower for Mom, imaginative play for B and V, and oatmeal for breakfast.  We got dressed (which was exciting because the dryer was full of a jackpot full of new clothes we scored yesterday at a thrift store) and we started to go over some bible verses while making our beds.

Right before Ephesians 6:1, I felt a gush of blood, and hollered for the kids to sing the "Obey your Parents" song, and ran to the bathroom.  For those who don't know, I'm 13 weeks pregnant and have been bleeding for quite some time.  After 4 ultrasounds we were resting assured that it was possibly subchorionic bleeding,(an unharmful pocket of blood that develops at the time of implantation) and more likely a Vanishing Twin (pregnancy which is healthy, but the placenta is split - which only happens with twins, and bleeding and miscarriage take place during the healthy pregnancy).  The bleeding was not harming the baby, just a result of my body expelling from a "safe" pocket of blood, or an early miscarriage of a twin.

Well the blood changed color this morning, and the bright red gushing took me from the toilet to the couch while on the phone with my OB.  I left a message with a receptionist and called for the kids to bring their school books to me in the living room.  My incredible kids got started quietly and surprisingly independently on their workbooks and I text Joel about the morning.  The nurse called, and had me schedule an apt and ultrasound for 2:00 in the afternoon.  I agreed and continued talking the kids through school.  About 15 minutes later I felt another gush, and 15 minutes later, another, and I then realized I was filling around 3 pads in 40 minutes, and in non-understandable tears, I called the office and let them know I really didn't think I could wait till 2:00.  She asked a few questions, and urged me to hurry to the ER.  Joel left class early and biked furiously (fast, not angry) home in the rain and mud, and my incredible community of friends rushed over to bring me pads, pray with me on the toilet, and take care of my kids.

So we got to the ER, they wheeled me to my room (every time I stepped I could feel my body gushing) and they changed me into a gown, took some vitals and did a pelvic exam.  We weren't told much information at that time, except that I did not seem to be dilated. (which gave us hope that I was indeed not miscarrying.)  I requested many times to have someone come in to listen for a heartbeat, but with so many people carrying for you requests get lost in the shuffle and the doppler never came.  My veins are small and slightly invisible, so taking blood was another terrible experience, and then finally I got taken back for an ultrasound.  This was the low spot in visit, because #1) no one is allowed to go back with you at an ER ultrasound #2) the Ultrasound tech is not allowed to tell you anything about the scan.  They turn the screen, and will not tell you what they see.  I asked if she could just tell me if there was a heartbeat, and she wouldn't.  Then I asked if she could just blink or wink if there was a heartbeat. and she did not comply.  So then they wheeled me back to Joel and we waited...for another hour.

Finally, a sweet nurse (the one who couldn't draw blood)  brought in a doppler machine to listen for a heartbeat.  Well either the baby was insanely wiggly, or the equipment was faulty, but we couldn't actually hear one, but on the screen a heart rate from 154-174 registered, so it was a little added peace ( I think the nurse felt bad for hurting me so badly when she tried to find my veins! She also peaked at my chart, and told me that I couldn't tell anyone, but she saw the phrases fetal heartbeat and subchorionic bleed:)  After a short wait, the guy who did my pelvic exam came in, and told us that the baby seemed healthy and I needed to wait for the OB to come talk about the specifics.  She came and gave us the "unknown details..."

As far as we can tell, Baby is very healthy.  we measured 14 weeks today which doesn't move my due date, but assures us that even though this Placenta seems to be damaged, the baby is getting all the nutrients it needs and then some :)  That is the very great news.  The less than great news is, that they don't have clarity why I'm bleeding, and why I'm not bleeding out and then stopping.  Nor do they know why after being dark and slow, it returned to gushing red, and continues to do so.  My blood work came back great (Phew, after all the hard work of getting it!) and I'm not anemic even after my blood loss.  There is no prognosis, not terms for whats happening and no normal expectations of what happens next.  She was clear that miscarriage is not out of the question in the upcoming weeks, and that something is happening we just don't know what.  She also stressed that this baby is VERY healthy.  He/She does not seem to be effected by whats happening in my body AT ALL. And that is where we can focus our emotions.

After ALL this uncertainty and frustration, and sometimes fear, there is such peace in knowing the One that is not baffled by my body.  I mean, He made it.  And He made my baby, and maybe even made its twin that is with Him, and the baby that went to be with Him before that, and my two gorgeous babies that I get to snuggle with every morning.  He is not stressed by my bleeding, and He is not confused when He looks at ultrasounds.  His ways are not my ways, and they are purposefully perfect.

So thanks be to God for that Beautiful fast heartbeat (that we didn't even get to see or hear after 3 hours in the ER), and for a husband who is soo very patient, and flexible kids, and the best circle of friends who love my family almost as much as their own, and for so many who prayed from far away.  Those prayers were undoubtably heard and He used those prayers to heal my heart.

For those of you who read through all that babble.  I Love You!  Please keep praying!