Hi. Remember when I used to blog once a week or a couple times a month, and it was a way to justify my no baby book failure of a mother weird public journaling ways... and then I went 9 months without blogging... Well, I remember and I'm not proud. I'm not embarrassed that I haven't blogged, I could really care less if you all know the details of my life, or the statistics of my children, or if you see edited/framed pictures of us that I already slapped on facebook. But I must confess that I have not just stopped blogging, I kind of stopped recording ANYTHING or habitually doing ANYTHING or investing in much besides my 2 busy bodies.
Its been a rough year and I don't really know what to blame for my escaping some things that I love. Maybe the stress of a husband in law school, parents divorcing, friendships changing, a miscarried baby... the list goes on. But my friend posted a Mary Poppins saying the other day and I keep taking it out of context and applying it to almost every situation I find myself in...
"In every job that must be done there is an element of fun; You find the fun and "SNAP! the jobs a game!"
This silly saying doesn't seem to be fitting for the heaviness of life events I have listed, but for some reason that silly lady Mary Poppins kind of reminds me that I have a choice to make. A choice to stay frustrated at my husband or friend, A choice to take the hurt from others and turn it positive or negative, A choice to stay mad at myself for not cleaning as well as last yr, for not teaching the kids as many bible verses, for not studying the Word as much as last year. They are all facts, and I get to chose what I'm going to do with the feeling that the fact imposes on me. I do not believe I can always control the feeling. But I'm starting to feel responsibility for actions, and lack of them, after the feeling...
Take devotions....Soooo many mornings I have not jumped into prayer or reading because I don't know if its the right time for me every day, or if I can keep up with that habit... But it finally dawned on me...It doesn't have to be the time I pick tomorrow, but I'm kind of accountable for the choice I make right now...
Or relational upheaval...whether it be a simple disagreement or life altering shifts, it is so freeing to stop and ask God, "Hey, am I handling this ok? Can you show me if I'm in the wrong and cause me or them to change?" And then let it go. Stewing seems to only effect my mood, and not anyones action. Nagging usually escalates things in the wrong direction. But basing my mood on my conviction is the most relieving act I've ever made!
Now...back to blogging. I think I haven't written for so many reasons. I'm not sure anyone read it, I didn't want the world to know about what I felt like writing about, I was tired...ect ect...But lately its just been because I stopped a long time ago and didn't know if I had time to start it back up.
Well, I still don't know...This may be my only post till next fall, but I decided it was silly to not record things, because I didn't know if I wanted to record them tomorrow. Its like not working out because I didn't know if I wanted to do it all month (thats actually not an imagined scenario...= realities of Jan Feb & Mar)...a little is better than none. A couple recorded things now, means a couple that I won't forget later...A couple days in the Word vs none is just a little more I get to know about my Savior, and to choose peace making and prayer over frustration and nagging just seems to be working a whole lot better for me lately.
So with that off my chest...welcome back to my blog. I hope to record much of life that is pure joy that I want to never forget, and let my fingers express the other stuff too...so that I can glance down at it and remember that I get to chose to do with that feeling and sometimes its just not a load worth bearing.
ps (I didn't keep up with Januarys extreme diet measures. but thats a story for another time...)
