Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Pray without ceasing

Prayer has always confused me a little bit. Especially cooperate prayer. Did my prayer sound too selfish? Am I being to American/and praying for comfort Instead of praying for lives to come to know Jesus? Should I just always pray that His will be done. Period. That way I don't have to worry about if I prayed for the right thing or not...
Well right now im in a state of constent prayer in my personal life and I can't tell you the Joy and Peace it is giving me. constant conversations with my Father about His goodness. So when I thought about posting something about asking for prayer it surprised me when I hesitsted so. Should I ask for what I want? Should I ask that Gods will be done? Does the first sound too greedy? Does the second sound like a lack of trust that it could happen?
Well after some early morning thoughts, this is what I came up with: God is good. He loves his children. He loves blessing us when our hearts are in line with his Will. His will is for many to come to the saving knowledge of him, and his desire is to have a relationship with me and use us For his will. I do want Gods will to be done. I want His will, and Im pleading with him to help Joel dominate this test.
Weve sought Gods will more than ever the last three years of our lives. And we believe with gusto that God called our little family to VA to learn more about himself, to walk closer with Him and for my husband to capitalize on a skill set Gid equipped him with to make him excell at being an incredible attorney.
And now, after the physical and emotional 3 yr journey of a life time we can say we went to VA, got closer to Jesus and my husband dominated law school..  We've sought him in each decision we've come to and its brought us here. To the MN Bar. And as I sit here 3 hours before Joel answers the first question on this insane test. I want to boldly pray that God completes this journey for us. That he rewards Joel for obeying this calling and that He finishes this training so He can use his degree for His glory.
So please pray with me. From 8:30-4:30 today and tomorrow. Pray that Joel finds Joy in this part of the journey. Pray that he is confident and at peace. And pray that he destroys this test with excellence!

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

4 month old Bear Cub

Friends, This little man is so incredible. He's somehow four months & I love him so much.

Silas David/Si/Bear...he has been such a gift to us. A perfect distraction from the Bar. And an easy distraction at that.  

Lately life is even more abnormal for the Lewicki's, and one might think that adding a newborn to the mix would be troublesome. But really quite the opposite. He's been such a joy to me as I navigate life while Joel studies.  His smile stops me dead in my tracks. every. time. He giggles lots and just loves life!

Despite my efforts, he's a light sleeper during naps, and if I really want/need him to take a good nap, I just put him in his swing.  He sleeps much longer in there vs the bassinet.  His first three months I laid him down awake for his nap, but this last month we had many disruptions in his schedule (4th of july festivities, out of town visitors etc etc) so sometimes I pat him to sleep, sometimes I nurse him, and lots of times I just use the swing.  we have more traveling in August so I don't have plans to regulate his naps anytime soon. I usually just make sure he goes down about 1 hr and 15 minutes after I feed him.  Its working pretty well so far!

Did I mention he smiles ALL the time and has started giggling more and more. He's found his hands and has one tooth threatening to pop through. lil tooth bud=crazy drool. and his hands are in his mouth quite a bit. He usually takes 2 long naps and one or two short naps a day. The last two months he would go to bed around 8:30 and sleep until 7:00. But I think we may be switching to an earlier bed time.  He doesn't take an evening nap well, and 7-8 is a sad time for him when he's so tired.  So last night I put him to bed around 7:30, but then had to feed him around 4:30am. He went back to bed untill 7:15am and I wouldn't mind this set up except it is VERY hard for me to go back to sleep at 4:45.  (imagine Anna when she declares, "The suns awake so I'm awake!") but really I have no complaints. It's been pretty smooth sailing.

He likes to be "surprised" if he sees it coming(peek a boo and such), and he LOVES being tickled. He does like momma A LOT, but he's not nearly as attached as Violet was.  Thank goodness. He's talking more and has no interest in rolling over. He loves to be swaddled for sleep and I'm pretty sure its going to stunt his motor skill development...and I'm really ok with that! (no rolling means no crawling which means no baby proofing!)

Hes also great at traveling although I think the super easy days are almost over. His awake time is longer and longer and his eye hand coordination isn't great enough to enjoy toys much. He hasn't cried too much in the car yet, but I just sense he's about to make us more aware he's around!

Eating goes pretty well for this lil Bear, but he's anything but regular. He sometimes eats and eats and eats, but most times after nursing 5 minutes on one side, he just stops and has the biggest open mouth smile.  I'll shove myself in to try to get his belly fuller in hopes of a great nap time, but it just makes him giggle and its pure mockery of momma by an infant!  if it weren't scandalous I'd take a video. Sadly, not being regular has meant mastitis for me a couple times, but I can usually detect the onset pretty well, (the flu like feeling and body pain/leg aches) and have been able to treat it without medication!

Well thats about it for our Silas. He eats. He sleeps. He smiles. The end.

Bnjmn 4 months/18+ lbs

Violet 4 months/14 lbs

Silas 4 months/16 lbs

first hair cut

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Silas Part Three

Silas arrived without much fanfare Tuesday the 24th. Little pain. Few Contractions. No real complications. And he might have been the easiest baby of all times had it not been for his first few hours of crying (excess mucus) and first 24 hour nursing boycott.  He made it quite apparent that he loved to sleep which made conscious activities such as nursing quite difficult. Even when he was a wake he would open his mouth with no interest in sucking.  SO SO THANKFUL that he is my third baby and that I was able to slightly tune out nurses nervous questions and comments when I would let him sleep 4 hours straight, or when they would panic that my nursing log only had "attempts" and not successes.  God gave me a priceless gift of a calm spirit and I think it helped Silas be able to stay calm too.  The second day in the hospital I made sure to get in contact with the lactation consultant and she was AMAZING.  My lactation nurses with Benjamin hadn't been that great, and with Violet I can't remember...But this sweet lady was heaven sent. She focused on encouragement and acted as if I was the only one in the hospital. I remember very little advice she gave me, however the feeling of being fully capable and more than competent at my task of feeding lil Bear was worth more than Gold.  We had two great feedings before we left the hospital (much less than the doctors would have liked, but more than I've ever had with either Benjamin or Violet).  

Silas first night at the hospital is a fuzzy memory, but I remember asking the nurse to take him to the nursery in the middle of the night. He was so sad, and I was so tired and afraid I was going to drop him.  Sadly she brought him back after an hour and told me he wasn't happy there either (I was kind of bitter at the nurse), and in desperation to close my eyes, I tucked Silas in bed with me and got a few hours of sleep! I think most of the mucus had cleared by the second night and we all got much more sleep.  

On the last morning (Thursday) Joel had to go to class, and my amazing momma was home with Benjamin and Violet so Silas and I just slept and practiced nursing all morning.  It was a relaxed morning (before exhaustion set in) and Joel came back to bring us home around lunch time. We grabbed some gas for the car and coffee for our tired selves, and thats how we started the new chapter of life as a family with 5 heads under our roof.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Bear part Two

Where were we?  Oh yes.  8:59 and I walk up to the check in counter and they ask my name and what I'm there for.  I simply said that I thought I was going to have a baby today, and they asked me what made me think that.  My stomach sank and I muttered that I had had painful contractions that were kind of close together, but they weren't any more.  The ladies took their sweet time checking me in and after 20 or 30 minutes (and just 2 contractions) they led me to the triage room.

We had to have been back there for 30-60 minutes.  I don't remember.  I just remember apologizing to Joel if I wasn't really in labor, and therefore wasting his time, and then I remember declaring that I wasn't going to stress and be sorry any more because when I was having the contractions it really seemed like I was in labor, but then in between them it didn't and although my pride didn't want to be wrong, it was impossible to make decisions in that state!

After a few nurses showed confusion over my lack of contractions, a third nurse came in and decided to check me for dilation ect...  She suddenly became quite bewildered and said that things weren't adding up.  She shared that she thought I was a 7 but then started talking about how she just got back from Vacation and she might have forgot a thing or two. She went to get another nurse for confirmation.  Well, that nurse said I was a 7 or 8 and they both looked at me confused.  They said I was right about thinking I was having a baby today, and they needed to go talk to the doctor to see what he wanted me to do.  My body seemed confused on the natural order of events.

The doctor encouraged me to get an epidural, and then they would break my water and hope that my contractions would follow.  So we went ahead with the epidural, had to get a quick shot after about 15 minutes when my blood pressure dropped (it was the worst heavy chest/need to puke feeling), and then Joel and I asked if we could just close our eyes for a few minutes before they broke my water.  They said no problem, and we would have gotten great rest had it not been for a chatty student who showed up.  Dr Bell soon came in to break my water and then things got exciting.

Pause a second.  I need to give a moment credit to my amazing head nurse, and anesthesiologist. My nurse could have delivered me, and almost did, and I would have been fully confident.  And my epidural was great.  It wasn't completely numbing and although the pain surprised me, I preferred it greatly over the experience of feeling fully numb with Benjamin.

Ok, back to the water breaking.  They thought things were going to move crazy fast after they broke it, but it didn't. My contractions didn't speed up that quickly but finally I was a 9, and after she had me tilt to the left while I was laying down, I jumped to a 10 and baby started to come ready or not.
The doctor arrived in minutes, and after a minute and a half of pushing they put this beautiful baby boy on my chest.

Silas David Barrett Lewicki was 7 lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long.  He had no interest in nuzzling to nurse like all the skin to skin/Kangaroo Care literature says will happen.  He amazed mommy and daddy with how perfect he looked.  Completely his own handsome self, but yet exactly like his brother and sister had looked.  We were instantly overwhelmed with the priveledge of holding him in our arms and completely and utterly in love.

He could not fit more perfectly in our family.  It took him a little bit to be sure about this world and an excess of mucus in his system made him cry and cough for about 3 hour, and not really nurse for over 24 hours. Benjamin and Violet got to meet their little brother around 6:30 that night and although my memory is fuzzy, the pictures show they too were overwhelmed with love and excitement.

To say were were/are thankful is such an understatement. That thankfulness almost disabled me from being able to write this love story. Fear that I wouldn't convey my gratitude for his life. Sadness for ours and others stories who didn't have this ending. Responsibility to express Joy amongst so many hard and stressful realities in life right now. But a love story it is, and one I need to remember.  We hope it is a love story we never take for granted.