Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving from the East Coast

My day was filled with many moments of sadness that I wasn't with family in the Midwest, but it was NOT short of Thankfulness!  We had such a delightful day which started off with a delicious breakfast made possible by my friends potato casserole and Joels extraordinary Sunny Side Up eggs, toast and sausage!  Then we crashed on the couch to watch the Macy's Day Parade (which was actually the low point of the day...why such provocative songs on childrens floats?!?!).  Violet is still trying to fight off this crazy cold, and Joel had a sleepless night, so the two of them napped for 45 minutes, and then we somewhat lazily got dressed to join our besties at their adorable home for an intimate and small yet extraordinary Thanksgiving feast.  It was the best Thanksgiving Dinner I've had in years, and it was all provided by my dear friend Gwen.  Somehow we didn't get any pictures of the food, but we did manage to snap some photos of the other highlight of the day...the people!

my morning date

everybody should have a fireplace :)

craft time with miss Gwen

after his 4ish hours of sleep, and no luck sleeping during Violets nap we hoped for a turkey induced coma. Score!

cheesy girls!

soo thankful for this guy!

the two pregnant ladies
picture one and my thought was: oh wow!  I'm showing lots less then my other pregnancies. I must be eating better than I thought!

and then I grew in the 30 seconds between these two pictures! my baby was just playing peek a boo! ;)

We are thankful for much this year and especially a day of TRUE rest before these last 2 weeks of finals!  What a fantastic friendship and 3 year tradition of Thanksgiving Celebration together! Thanks for being great hosts and incredible friends Ray Family!


Sunday, November 23, 2014

My 4 yr old Violet

Oh my sweet sweet Violet.

My favorite thing about her little self is her humor.  I don't think anyone has a clue how funny she is when its just B and V and I home throughout the day and she flies by the seat of her silly little pants.  She is also so so smart, and although her formal lessons are months apart in frequency, she picks up information from EVERYWHERE and spits it out at the craziest times...shocking us with her knowledge!  She has so very much personality in that little body and she is soo maternal!  It tends to be guided by the desire to control, a little more than the desire to help, but its also because she normally knows how to do things, and wants it done right!  She reminds me lots of cousin Audrey and cough*Aunt Tara*cough.

She loves using silly voices, gets frustrated because when her brother plays legos, his lego men don't talk to her and is tough as nails when she gets hurt and its not convenient to look weak or miss out.  She is shifting from wanting momma ALL the time to crying for Daddy at nap time and running to him after work/school and staying by his side until he removes her.  Violet has a hard time following through with obedience when it seems momma or daddy are distracted, and picking up without supervision is possibly the hardest thing in the world.  I think the biggest difference in Violet from 1 or 2 years ago, is her heart starting to show guilt and regret.  She was a touch cookie who seemed unaffected by discipline consequence or her own wrong doing.  But her heart is softening and she seems to be reacting with repentance lately.  This is opposite of her big brother so it has been tricky to "parent the same" in expectations and rules, but somewhat very differently when it comes to communicating and following through.

Violet has an obsession with cardigans, leggings, hair styling, cheese, singing, independence, pictures and having company...always.  She hates jeans, scratchy textures, solitude, picking up, following directions EXACTLY, and vegetables without ranch.  Songs like, "you are my sunshine" make her cry EVERY time (because of the lyrics - "When I awaken I was mistaken and I held my head and I cried")  She can't figure out why they weren't there and its the most terrifying thought to her tender self.

I Love her so very much and am so thankful for the last 4 years.  She gives us so much Joy and I'm so  thankful God saw fit to have her help shape our little family.  Here are some pictures of our fun weekend!  Thanks to great friends, and a loving Daddy we were able to celebrate Violet with a party, special breakfast, and a new bike!  I want to give an EXTRA shout out to my friend Nikki who is to thank for the cute party decorations and help setting up!  I cut a few things out from my couch, but her crafty self wowed me with a surprise banner and snowflakes that made the house look magical and a little girl feel VERY loved.  Here are some pictures of our BIG little girl and her birthday weekend!

her personality to a "T"

fun with friends! Ready for cup cakes!

my friends adorable banner!

the popcorn got in the way of the candles, and the video didn't take, but she loved her cupcake nonetheless

yum!

a winter wonderland :)

who wants more cupcakes!

:)

pin the tail on the bunny!

pretty impressive for being first in line! :)

Daddy kept moving it around for Benjamin's turn

pretty little Eden

I know we have one better than this, but here is Benjamin with all his women :)

waiting for her gift (before Mommy ran out of storage on her phone!)

Birthday morning Swedish Pancakes

licking the syrup from her plate

"I just want to pose like this momma!"

She partied and then she crashed (with her make up gift adorning her face!)

he got a haircut after the party.  I think he's pretty handsome :)

:)

un-edited.  She got some make up for her birthday (gulp) and while she was playing with it, the light from the window and her sweet little face were just too much!

:)

lovely blue eyeshadow



Daddy switched from straight razors for himself to giving Benjamin a hair cut for the first time.  I was impressed :)

my roles from my resting positions were limited, but I managed to cut a few circles.



Wednesday, November 19, 2014

love these folks...

today was a bad day.  Bad Bad Day. All day I just wanted to blink and have it over with...and then we decided to have pre bed cuddle time instead of book time, and I got three of my babies on my lap at the same time...and Violets new doll :)  I guess I'll take the whole day for these 20 minutes of laying on the couch listening to Christmas Music... more swooning!

Sickeningly cute?  I don't even feel bad...I don't deserve great moments like these, but I didn't really feel like I deserved the less than fun previous 15 hours either ;)

Violet had an 18ish hour bug this week.  One bad night and lots of extra cuddles! 

TV watching position...she's crazy


do you think I should start a business? If gourds wore hats, I'd be rich! :)

Baby Hercules at 20 weeks 4 days.  14 Oz. 74th Percentile. Daddy's Lips, and I'm switching from guessing previously guessing mommas nose, to now declaring Daddy's nose.  Benjamin's smirk...but youre welcome for not posting the 4D picture that shows his smile...This momma thinks its cute, but I know its really kinda creepy ;)

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Yay for today!

Today was our 20 week ultrasound and as usual nothing went as planned ... but yet it went perfectly.

The original plan was to have this be a large family date and gender reveal, but due to babies frequent photo ops we have known gender for a while...our next plan was to still have a family date and let the kids experience an ultrasound and see little brother in action...and then Violet woke up at 3:00 with a fever...Baylee, our friend, came to our rescue and Joel and I took off alone.

This appointment was with Lorri - the ultrasound tech who was previously employed as a tech at a maternal fetal medicine office. We love her and she did not disappoint!

Baby brother shifted from 91% to 74%.  That seemed to be good news to her. (Normal is comforting!) He continued to look perfect and even gave us some smirks...not kidding.  He smiled out of the side of his mouth like his brother.  SWOON.  He was also as wiggly as ever!

Well as great as it is seeing your babe, he has been so wiggly so I knew he was fine...it was the wound/bleed area that I was anxious to see.  And the report is....it's still there, BUT instead of solid black(fluid/blood) it's starting to appear as if someone sprinkled salt over the area.  That means its starting to heal.  Its great news.  It means what we have been doing (making me do nothing) is working, and we will continue with the same plan.  If it continues healing as it has the past few weeks, we are VERY optimistic for my appointment with the specialist on Dec 18th.

My contractions seem to be non labor producing and my cervix is unchanged.  YAY.  Because the contraction feeling seems to stop with hydration and laying down, and my cervix is unchanged, they aren't a point of concern.  Just a pain!  The likely explanation for some of my pain is my irritable uterus being...irritable.  We watched the little man kick and punch the crud out of the wound area, and it HURT.  It was kind of calming to watch the cause and effects.  Calming but painful! Lastly, I am slowly tip toeing out of the "risk for pre-term labor" category.  Right now the irritable uterus is a larger factor than wound (although its just a matter of terminology because the wound is part of the cause of the traumatized uterus).

And thats about it!  I told Joel this appointment couldn't have gone better.  If healing hadn't started, I would have been pretty bummed.  Sitting or laying for the rest of my pregnancy was a pretty discouraging thought.  But thinking of doing it for 4 more weeks with a probable GREAT outcome, seems do-able...and I like goals that I think I can meet :)  On the flip side if it had appeared it was FULLY healed it would have been really hard remain cautions until my specialist appointment, and I would have felt super weird doing nothing when there didn't seem to be an issue.  It would have been an even bigger mind game! My mind is getting weary, and not on the market for any more games!

So tonight we rest, but feel lots of peace!  Thanks for all your prayers for little man.  I have been so encouraged by so many of you! We're continuing to pray I stay true to the plan for 4 more weeks!

Monday, November 17, 2014

More Pictures and updates (edited)

Life is so fun with a 4 and 5 yr old.  They are seriously so funny.  Violet could say nothing with her words and just make my day with her facial expressions, and then she goes and adds the silliest conversation, and its just too much!  Benjamin is also funny, but adds to it his HUGE heart.  

Life can get hohumm when I focus on my "cants" but sometimes taking pictures helps show me all I HAVE to make up for the "can't do's."  I originally wrote this post (this morning) saying that I was quite certain my appointment tomorrow would show a healed wound area and I would be on my way for the "All Clear!" in December...Then as the day went on I began to feel more and more pressure/tightness that left me confused, guzzling water and getting up only for the bathroom (and those trips were quite frequent due to my water intake!)  So I will revisit my confused state for tonight, and hope for some clear communication and answers tomorrow.  I may just have a growing baby that is in a weird position and not being nice to me, or I may have unwanted contractions.  I'm very prepared for either situation!  In the mean time, here are some pictures to help remind me how great it is to be home :) even on the couch!

Here's a peak at our last few days:

daddy taking a silly picture for the photographer Benjamin.
(but really its not so silly, because this guy was super man of the weekend covering all of Daddy AND mommy responsibilities!)

although today will have a high in the 70's, it was a chilly week last week!

"Momma!  lets take pictures!" EVERY day.  ...eye liner and mascara are VERY scarce these days.  They add a whole extra 2 minutes to my face washing regimen...

B needed in on the excitement

I posted Joel being crazy...so here's me playing fair

And...this is my favorite!  I was doing school with Benjamin having him write spelling words, and she felt neglected, so she sounded out her own words...That might be my favorite spelling of "Butin" EVER! (don't be alarmed - there is an "l" after the "F".

I'm sure I will have another post in the next day or two to share either Benjamin and Violets excitement of getting first time going to the dr. with us, or my excitement in finding out the wound is healed!  Either way, it shall surely be an exciting day! (please share in my optimism...its way more fun that way!)

Thursday, November 13, 2014

New Morning New Mercies

New Morning New Mercies - a great quote from my friend that I rely on frequently!

After receiving quite a bit of love and concern after my doctor experience yesterday I wanted to post an update:

I took the night and morning to gather my thoughts.  To read and re-read my gut reaction post that I wrote yesterday, and try to decipher how I felt about my initial emotions. Yesterday was hard, and not because of what the doctor told me at my appointment, but because of how she told me, and how little I understood.  So I took the encouragement of moms and sisters and friends, and did some calling.

My first call was to the Specialist at Maternal Fetal Medicine. Essentially they cannot consult on the phone and they cannot see me without a recommendation for an ultrasound, and I'm not scheduled to see them until December 18.  They only consult at the time of the appointment, and all other concerns they differ back to your OB.  There are holes in this logic but before I pushed harder, I wanted to try my other idea.

I began thinking and I have not always felt ill about my OB office. I have ALWAYS disliked seeing different physicians at each visit, but many times they have been MORE concerned than me and advised me well.  So I put a call in to get a second opinion about my apt yesterday, as well as consult about the care I will be receiving next week.

Melody is the the OB coordinator at my regular OB office and gets 5 gold stars for the day. I called and ask the front office to speak with someone to help me understand my previous apt, and possibly get a second opinion. It was Melody who returned my call shortly. She has always been helpful on the phone, and the few times I've called with questions, she has helped me understand the situation, and 3 or 4 of the times offered for me to come in for an ultrasound (even though I have only taken her up on it once) I shared my pain and the diagnosis of ligament pain.  I also let her know that I was aware a lot of it was ligament, but it did not seem like a full explanation.  I also shared that I wanted to know how sure I could be that the pain and the wound area were not related.  (could something be happening in relation to the wound are that would result in pain)  She asked numerous questions - understanding the type of pain, the location of the pain, its timing...etc.  After quite a bit of conversation, she had these thoughts:  

Because of the x-rays she was looking at, the position and size of the baby, my status of irritable uterus, and pain I was describing the pain is probably two fold...ligament pain, as well as strength of baby and condition of my uterus etc. Things are unfortunately uncomfortable but relatively safe.  If the discomfort near my cervix EVER makes me feel the urge to push...call immediately.  If I spot again, call immediately and also if my pain ever makes me double up - CALL.  Lastly, if my wound area gets more damaged, or if a new bleed occurs, it will probably not be something that I feel.

My apt next week is with the ultrasound tech Lori and I have always liked her.  Melody informed me that Lori previously worked as a tech for specialists in Maternal Fetal Medicine, and is the best for the job.  I knew I liked her, I just didn't know her qualifications!

The follow up is not with an official OB, but she is who Melody personally favors, and has more experience than most.  She shared that she has great compassion, communication and insight, and would be the best for the situation.  I trust Melody (because she was honest about other people and why she wouldn't advise them), so I am encouraged for the appointment.

So all that to say that although my situation may seem the same on paper when ya'll read it, the communication I received was much improved and makes sense to me.  Instead of feeling like, "you're fine - go home", I feel understanding for why i'm not feeling great, and clarity of when to go back in.  I also feel excited for the appointment next week.

Thanks again for your concern and prayers.  Love you all!


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

19weeks5days

Well, Today happened.  Today happened and my baby is wiggly, and healthy.  My baby is wiggly and healthy, along with the other loves in my nest, therefore Today was a good day.

Friday I had over an hour of contractions.  It was unsettling (because I was now informed of pre-term-labor possibilities and realities) and I was relieved when they subsided.  Saturday and Sunday were hard logistically, as this was the stickiest my seat had been stuck to the couch (meaning I did good at following instructions, but it was lots of extra work for Joel), but only a few contractions, and a few painful moments.  Monday night wasn't fun. I hurt. A lot. enough to take a tylenol which is a big deal for this anti drug mom.  Tuesday night was worse, and the discomfort continued waking me up from 3am-6am and then on into the day.  My apt was at 1:45 and by this time I was very grateful to check up with a doctor!

All night I felt as though a bandaid was being pulled off my uterus, and I realized I had only felt few isolated/possible kicks. For hours I just kept repeating the request for God to breath life into my babe.  To breath life and hope in me, and then again and again to breath life into this little baby. As we arrived at the apt, Joel declared that I would most likely go in for an impromptu ultrasound to check things, and then verbalized what I had not yet even processed...That they might admit me, or prescribe COMPLETE bed rest. (he knows my pain tolerance is pretty high, so it bothered him that I was so verbal about it) At that point, I was scared enough for a bad outcome, that any solution seemed like a good solution and I was not as scared of being committed as he was. (I guess something about playing a "single" dad in law school and dividing your time between home, hospital and school is very uneasy :) )

So back to the appointment. I got there and had a mediocre interaction with the nurse. (I cried a little and she didn't obviously care much) Then my "official" OB came.  I had met with her for my miscarriage last winter, an early 6 week apt, and then in the ER office with my first scary bleed (9.5 weeks?).  She is nice.  But communication, tone, tact and delivery are a big deal to me, and well, today we just weren't on the same page.

So the important facts:  Baby Boy is active.  His heart rate is 152 bpm.  He wiggled around a bit and she had to chase him for a couple seconds while he changed positions.  Also, I'm not visibly bleeding (2 weeks tomorrow!).  This meant the appointment was good and assurance for the doctor that things are well.  

For me it was an uneasy appointment.  Joel and I processed it on the way home and think that it seems likely the nurse labeled me as an emotionally uneasy pregnant woman and warned the doctor before she came in... (Joel assured me I'm not really that emotional this pregnancy!)  My OB came in and after general greetings and me letting her know that I had been in pain, she found the heart beat, and declared that Everything seemed great, the baby was healthy and she was excited that we could go home encouraged by such a great report.  She said I was probably not comfortable because of ligament pain, and that was that...

I started to process what I was feeling, the pain I had felt, if she had heard any of my concerns or addressed them and questioned why I wasn't going in for an ultrasound.  I began to ask her to clarify her happy go lucky attitude. The specialist last week had concern up and down her face and impressed on me the importance of taking it easy till 24-28 weeks. She had described me and my baby's environment as delicate.  Why after  6 days were we celebrating already.  Was I off modified bed rest?  

Well about my second sentence or question I got VERY choked up.  She explained that in the scheme of things she witnesses, my situation is great.  This was not encouraging to me.  It just made me feel like she didn't care because other peoples situations were worse.

She then shared that she isn't worried because of the great position of the bleed(not behind the placenta).  To this I continued to question tearfully that I understood it could be worse, but wasn't I on modified bed rest because we didn't want to activate the bleed/wound, shift its location or encourage contractions?!  Her response was two fold in that she thought the specialist probably "heightened the instructions" because a mom of two young kids probably wouldn't follow it exactly, and also that it was good to listen to the specialist, but there was no need to do an ultrasound because there wasn't anything to do for a baby under 24 weeks no matter what they saw.  Because they found a heartbeat and I'm not actively bleeding, she thinks things are great.

I cried a little harder after this because although I knew she was correct about most of what she said, I passionately feel that not all of my pain is from ligaments.  It may not be dangerous, but it isn't normal.  However because we found a strong heartbeat she said that this is my new threshold of normal and I don't need to call or come in unless bleeding or pain increases from this point.  She also said I could take up to 4 doses of extra strength tylenol a day.  (my question is, how would I know if the pain gets worse, if I'm drugged up on tylenol?!)

I continued to tear up because although there is nothing they as physicians can do for my baby I believe wholeheartedly that the only reason there is no "proof" that bed rest improves baby's chances in high risk pregnancies, it is because there are variables that CANNOT be controlled, and therefore never proven. However, if increased activity causes me to painfully contract, and contractions cause unstoppable pre-term-labor, than wouldn't we want to stop the activity? (Essentially a concerned mom doesn't want to feel that nothing she does matters for the safety of her child.) She said to stay on modified bed rest if that was helping.  

Well, at this point she started talking about emotional help and seeing a therapist for pregnancy hormone help and if special techniques didn't work, they could suggest medication...

You can imagine how well I handled that.

So I left the appointment frustrated.  Thrilled that baby has a strong heartbeat, confident that Jesus is assuredly the only Great Physician, and confused about what life was supposed to look like when I walked through my front doors.

Joel and I have had a few less than great communication exchanges, but overall God has covered us with so much grace the last few months.  The ride home was no different and Joel was a champ at helping me process.  We think she really is a good doctor, but that her matter of fact stance on life, and preconceived ideas that I was crazy (thank you nurse), tainted her words a little too much.  She tired to give me encouragement but the delivery leaned on the side of flippant. The Specialist and the OB both ended with the same verdict of doing little, they just presented it differently.  It is good for me to mesh the two views and continue on my couch until an ultrasound shows us otherwise, but to do so with HOPE that things are well. We can have MUCH hope while still being committed to do our part in not rocking this babies boat.  

Lastly, God has given us so many gifts through the last few months.  Friendships. Priority shifts.  Financial scares that require faith which are always followed by provision. Strengthened faith. An attitude of continued conversations of prayer.  ... and a healthy baby boy.  I didn't really enjoy today (partially due to 5+ hours of sleep), but in the end I know I don't think factually it could have been better.  Emotions are another issue, but they can recover, right?  

So we now wait until our ultrasound next Tuesday to see if this wound looks any different and decipher what the following 4 weeks will look like.  Until then, we pray for Joel's finals prep, my commitment to rest and give thanks for friends helping with meal prep, activities for B and V, soon to be vacuumed floors and muffin surprises in the morning.

Good night until we meet again ;)







Friday, November 7, 2014

Hercules

Baby Hercules punched and kicked and rolled for over an hour tonight.  It was so much fun except for the fact that my uterus is slightly skittish, or fragile as the doctor put it, and gets a little confused with all the excitement.  I ended up on my left side to finally stop the contractions.  They aren't crazy labor contractions, but they are noticeable and not comfortable, and considering all the variables, they are unwanted! Thank goodness for a healthy baby, and praying for more stable living conditions!

But today is another milestone!  Happy 19 weeks baby Herc!

1000 word replacement

It's news to no one that I enjoy talking/typing.  But once in a while it occurs to me that peoples ears might be sick of listening...and their eyes sick of reading.  So tonight tell your weary self to take the night off, and check out in pictures what parenting from the couch looks like Lewicki style. :)  

Our week in pictures:

Here's my Joel and I at the Maternal Fetal Medicine Office, after seeing the Ultrasound Tech and before meeting with the doctor.  I don't remember being quite so jolly at the very end of the apt!...

Yay for Norwex cloths and Lysol wipes.  Here is "Cinderellaman" earning his keep.  His other major role is wiping down the bathroom sink with a Lysol wipe.  DONT feel guilty for him...The amt of toothpaste on the wall, toilet base, counter, tile floor and hallway carpet require some kind of accountability for "brushing alone" privileges.  
Also, notice Violet.  Helping. #FirstHandPrintOnTheCleanWindow
(she make stink at washing windows, but she gets a gold star for unloading the dishwasher!)


winning at computer games:)


The damage from increased screen time won't be as bad as the damage from a mom going CRAZY not being able to help clean up their messes...right?

Here is Violet showing Benjamin the best way to watch TV and other like activities...Its not weird.  Her mom had the same techniques :)

Mommas news hobby, and first crocheting project. :)  I'm pretty proud of this, but I really need to learn how to follow a pattern.  My "creativity" is not serving me well, in the long run!

Other fun quotes recently:

"Violet how is your stuffy nose?"
"On my face..."

"Violet you're so pretty"
"No I'm not Benjamin"
"Yes you are!"
"I know, I was just kidding"