I was so excited to get home after our many trips. But the past 3 days have been anything but smooth sailing. They have been relaxing in the sense that I can "let my hair down" and make a mess or straighten everything up, or anything I want. It has not been relaxing in the sense that Benjamin got used to being held a lot, and doesn't want anything to change.
As many of you know, I am not "sold" on any specific type of parenting. I think that both "babywise" and "attachment" parenting have quality advice that works for a lot of parents. I think that some can even go as far to jump into one camp wholeheartedly and have babies that grow up to be amazing people. I, however, am scared that I have the personality that would read about one way of parenting, forget that my baby was an individual, and put tons of rules on myself and my baby. Even rules of freedom could get me in trouble.
So for the first 3 months of Benjamin's life I purposefully read nothing and hoped that his personality, wants and needs would "speak" to my maternal instinct and we would live in baby/mommy harmony. I am now dawning on month 4 and reality has struck. I need a plan.
This is what I now know: Benjamin is an individul and needs me to pay attention to his "trends". I am a fan of structure. I like cleaning lists, vacation schedules, and budgets. I want Benjamin to be free to go through growth spurts, sleep in some times, and be hungrier some days than others, but I need to know what the norm is. Some mom's are gifted in just remembering the past week and thinking about what their baby's habits are. I am not one of those moms. I have a horrible memory. Something I am good at though, is loosely following a schedule. So in my best efforts to not go crazy, and not be a crabby mom, today started Benjamin's schedule.
I know that he usually wakes up around 8ish,a.m. and that he usually is ready for sleep around 8ishpm. The problem that I am running into is that he wants to be held for every nap, and if he isn't, will only give me around 30 minutes of sleep. 30 minutes isn't healthy for him or me. Today he had two 30 min naps and one hour nap. He was falling apart around 6 and falling asleep in my arms around 7. Needless to say, he went to bed a bit early
So this next week is a challenge for me. My goal is to get Benjamin on a schedule strict enough to let mom know what makes us both happy, and loose enough to be sensitive to his daily needs. I'll let you know in a week if I have figured anything out about mr. benjamin, or if I'm even more confused and clueless than I am now.
A few things that I do know are: that even if I screw up and have a little too loose or too strict of plan, Benjamin will be loved like crazy... that me staying sane as a mom is almost if not just as important as him being full or rested...and that millions of moms before me have managed to have babies, get them to nap, and have them well fed... that I'm not the first mom to be flustered by this issue, and even if I eventually get it figured out, I'll be challenged again with the next stage, and the next baby.
So here I go! I applaud you moms who have been victors over the challenges of motherhood in the past, and encourage the moms who are in the midst of the battle, ready to give up. Even as Benjamin is crying right now and I could be frustrated at his reluctance to sleep, I remember the sleepy smile he gave me as I put him down two hours ago, and know how lucky I am to be a mom!
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