not a girl, maybe :)

sorry for the confusion... the phrase in my last blog was "HIS Dad recently named HER".  I hate using "its" for the baby so I played the trick of all the baby books and just used both male and female pronouns...so it might be a girl, but it might not :)

Littler Lewicki

The baby has been named!  Last week "Littler Lewicki" (as his father recently named her) had a 16 week check up.  I have been feeling movement lately so I wasn't as anxious about hearing the heart beat.  It was still so beautiful to hear those 155 beats per minute.  Heart beat was strong and the baby's growth was healthy! 

 I was a little surprised with my black and white way of understanding things.  I thought that either things would be hunky dory with no worries, or not.  Instead, we were VERY encouraged  by the baby's heart rate and growth, BUT got a bit of a reality check from my Dr.  She was also encouraged with "littler", but gave some reality about the future.  Things could be fine for the next 5 months, but I'm still bleeding and thats not great.  Her main point was we want to get to 24 weeks before we are somewhat "out of the woods".  Essentially if anything would happen or change right now, there is little they can do for the baby.  After 24 weeks, they have many more options.  

We are continually reminded to trust God for the future of our family and our baby, and appreciate the wisdom He's given dr.'s.  Thanks for your prayers and we are so thankfully for the 17 weeks He's given "littler" so far!

MN adventures

July 18th - July 23rd we got to spend some great time up with half of the Lewicki family.  Friday night we drove 8 hrs (9+ with Benjamin) north to the Iron Range of Minnesota...Just south of the North Shore.  

We were so sad to not get to spend time with ALL of the family, but it was so great spending some quality time with Joel's parents and his sisters family.  Saturday morning Joel spoke at the camp his grandpa started, and shared the one verse bridge from Romans 6:23.  He also got to spend some needed r&r on his brother-in-laws new boat.  

Benjamin woke up Sunday morning with a temperature over 102 and spent the majority of the time not sleeping, and being a little extra clingy.  His voice got raspy and he just wasn't himself.  On Tuesday we drove back down to the twin cities and the last half hour of the car ride was the worst of all the trips we've gone on this summer.  Benjamin woke up from a nap and was a wreck... inconsolable and more water works and cries than he's had since infancy.   Joel had to leave Benjamin and I right away, to share ministry news with his home church.  The plan was to just get Benjamin to bed, to sleep away his troubles.  The problem was, we left the bottles and milk in the van...which Joel took.  THANK GOODNESS my friend Abigail came to visit, and went and got us milk...unfortunately Benjamin still drinks from a bottle and I couldn't find any in my sister-in-laws house.  So Benjamin got to stay up till 9 and poor Abby was a great friend and just watched me try to entertain my child.

Well the trip home went o.k. and we took Benjamin to the Dr. right away.  He said it was probably something viral, and what-do-ya-know, now that we're home he seems to be almost completely "healed".  Either the virus ran its course or he was just "home sick" all along.  

Regardless it was a great trip, and it's so good to be home...and sleeping!  We're only here for 3 days, but appreciate it nonetheless.  

Celebrate Life Day!

Today is annual Celebrate Life Day for those of you who didn't know.  :)  Yes, we should all celebrate life each and every day, but this day is special in the Lewicki household because 6 years ago was my slightly momentous car accident.  I feel as though I'm exaggerating when I say that it was bad, traumatic,  or potentially fatal, but the reality is that all those descriptions are true.    I let myself acknowledge those dramatic facts on this June 17th, in efforts to appreciate and recognize the true gift of life that all of us have.  And on that I will now ponder...:)

I sometimes feel guilty thinking and talking about how God chose to bring me out of a coma, and blessed me by giving me a fairly quick pretty full recovery...Guilty because He could have not done those things, and for some He doesn't...Guilty because God's characteristics are just as true for those who have gone through loss, as they are for me and my family, but I feel bad declaring those characteristics when others are in situations where it is much harder to see them.  So know that I don't say any of these comments lightly, and some not even comfortably.

Life is such a funny thing.  We celebrate life, and celebrate health and safety.  Those are not bad things to celebrate but as believers why are we so sad about death?  I find myself being horrified at the thought of Benjamin or Joel, or my growing baby inside or anyone in our families dying, and I dont think that its wrong to love and not want to be lonely. But what if we had such pure excitement for someone going to heaven and seeing Jesus, as we did for someone getting a trip to England and moving into Windsor Castle.  No, I don't know that is a realistic way to think, or that we should even feel guilty for not feeling it, but I do think its healthy to think about it.

Another thing I think about, and probably more often, is how all of us are here by God's choosing.  Not only does He choose for some believers to enter heaven, but He has chosen for the rest of us to be here on earth.  Thats a huge deal.  We're here for a reason.  How many days do we forget that?  How many opportunities to share His Love, and His redemptive story do I miss?  How much more could I accomplish in the time that I'm here, if I stopped being selfish and lazy with my life?  It's not a super uplifting thing for me to think about at first, but it is pretty awesome to know He wants to use me, if I'm just usable. Little unskilled Tori.  He wants to use me.  And you...He wants to use you too...

Those are just some of my thoughts on this hot day in June.  I was writing thinking about how great God is, and how awesome it is that He has us in His hands, and just what a small picture I have of how much He loves us, and as I wrote those things I was stopped in my thoughts.  Today after being so thankful for the peace I had about bleeding this pregnancy, and how everything seemed safe and good to go, the bleeding changed and has a been a little nerve racking.  Its not alarming enough for them to want to see me tonight, but the color has changed and I'm just supposed to monitor it.  I have a Dr. Apt tomorrow to check everything out.  The point of this is the irony of this scare on "Celebrate Life Day".  I'm really trying think about the fact that life is to be celebrated here are on earth or with our heavenly Father, and that nothing that happens changes how great God is, how awesome it is that He has us in His hands, and how much He loves us.

Thanking Him for the day He has made
Wanting to Rejoice and be glad in it!
me

peanut butter extravaganza!

before lunch - he discovered how to make things with Legos and is quite proud of himself

experimenting feeding himself

having a blast feeding himself

taking a bath after feeding himself...still trying to eat things!

Philippians 4

This weekend I decided that if I was still bleeding on Monday, I would call the dr. and insist on an apt to hear my babies heart beat, ask some clarifying questions, and hopefully find some peace of mind.  Sunday night I was helping Joel go over some memory verses and I think it was because God knew I needed to hear ...

Philippians 4:6-7 (English Standard Version)⁶ do not be anxious about anything,but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So I woke up this (Monday) morning and contemplated whether I was supposed to just pray about it, or go ahead and call, and I realized that God never instructs us to not ask questions or not go to the Dr...So I called...Thank goodness I did!  My Dr. isn't in on Mondays and so I spoke to a Dr. Bannett's(sp) nurse.  She was AMAZING.  I heard very little new information, but understood everything so much better!  The bleeding that I am currently having is still the sub chorionic bleeding that started at 9 weeks.  In short, the bad news: the bleeding could last the whole pregnancy.  The Fabulous news: it doesn't matter how long it lasts, or how much blood is lost...If it is dark in color, its old blood and DOESNT EVER CARRY ANY RISKS to me or the baby.  The uncomfortableness I feel is unrelated and means I am dehydrated and not drinking enough water.  She assured me that half to 3/4 a day of work once a day, is NOT too much.  That I should relax when ever my body tells me I need it, but feel free to be on my feet whenever I feel good.  Dark bleeding is unrelated to being on my feet.


So I'm not going in to hear the heart beat today.  I feel a great amount of peace and can wait until Friday 18th.  In super short: I wont worry or feel the need to call unless I start cramping or see bright red.  


God was just as good last week, as he is now that I feel calm, but I do praise Him for giving me a glimpse of whats going on, and reminding me that He is in control, regardless of my emotions.  
thanks for your thoughts and prayers...

36.428% down 63.572% to go

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your many thoughts and prayers for us and the baby.  I've gotten so many encouraging messages, texts, phone calls and even a meal!  God has blessed us with support from friends and family that we definitely don't deserve.

Just a quick update : The bleeding had continued and I went from frustrated to super emotional on Friday afternoon.  I did a pretty good job of laying low all day Friday ( thanks to Joel not letting me go on walks, and a food network star marathon).  I spent the day a little sad, but realizing that I needed to swallow my pride and make some phone calls to the Dr. to clarify what exactly I was supposed to be looking for and calling about (ie amount of blood, color, duration etc).  It was a great call that not only calmed me down about my current situation, but helped me see that no question is stupid, my baby is more important than my pride, and even if I am "that concerned mom" on the phone...the Dr.s get paid enough to make time for my questions.  

Its Saturday morning, and I went all night without bleeding!  yeah!  I also went most of the night without peeing, getting restless or listing to Benjamin cry out or talk in his sleep. 6 hours of sleep STRAIGHT!   This is the longest I've gone in months!

On that happy note, I hear Benjamin waking up, and I think my good sleep, and his late morning ( 7:45!) calls for some muffins!  Have a happy Saturday!

My pregnancy so far...and Prayer for Baby Lewicki

I'm so incredibly tired that the likeliness of this email being eloquent, having correct grammar, or even making sense is slim - even slimmer than normal.  I just wanted to take a second to blog/process and ask for prayer!

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and have had quite a different 2nd pregnancy.  The first time around was pretty seamless.  I even remember trying to make up questions to talk about at my Dr. apts. to make them a little less boring, and to make sure she knew I cared about my baby.  Other than throwing up when I brushed my teeth in the morning, and the last 5 weeks,  I loved being pregnant.

Fast forward to 2010!  We found out we were pregnant around 4 weeks.  I threw up a couple times, but overall was just pretty tired.  Around 7 weeks(I think) I was pretty shaky (It felt like my body kept falling asleep), and then I got pretty sick for a couple days.  Joel was leaving for a weekend conference, and I was nervous being home by myself with Benjamin, so I called my Dr., and she gave me a prescription for Zophran.  It was a miracle pill!  I took half a pill for a week, and then sparingly for the next 4 weeks.

Right around 9 weeks, I woke up in the middle of the night to a thunderstorm, and took a potty break.  I discovered I was bleeding quite a bit and called First Nurse.  The bleeding slowed down a lot after an hour, and the next morning the Dr. on call wanted to see me for an ultrasound.  The baby was beautiful, and we also saw an area of blood that wasn't harmful but had been created while the baby's home was being formed, and it drained out throughout the next week.

Things were going great, and I still had a small supply of Zophran for my "sick days" and the night before my 12 week Dr. Apt with my O.B., I had another bleeding episode.  This one was a little more intense, but after two hours the bleeding slowed, and the next morning the baby's heart beat was strong at 144 bpm!  Such an incredible sound.

Well, now I am 14 weeks, and last night I started bleeding again.  This time it isn't as intense as either of the first two times, but I'm having a little bit of soreness/cramping.  The first two times I was pretty scared, and although I'm definately concerned for my little ones health, and having moments of fear, my emotion is predominately frustration.

I am frustrated with myself for not being good at "taking it easy" and not doing much, as my Dr. instructed.  I am frustrated when I call and there isn't more my Dr.s can say besides "take it easy", and not much more to do than listen for a heart beat.  I am frustrated that when they ask me questions on the phone I don't know how to talk to them...I don't want to leave any important details out about what's happening and how I'm feeling, but I don't want to be dramatic or exaggerate.  My head is a constant battle!  I'm frustrated that sometimes this is more of a pregnancy to me,more than a little life.

So I'm asking for prayer for all the Lewicki's.  For me that I am smart about what I do, and don't do and remember to put my trust in God's perfect plan rather than Dr.s abilities...for Joel  as he tries to work from home and I debate on what to ask him to help with or not, and as he has the concern of our baby in his mind and has a TON on his plate with ministry/funding/life...For Benjamin as he is in an incredibly awesome time of life and discovery and learning, and obedience habits, etc...And for baby Lewicki2, that God gives that baby safety as its growing and that HE is glorified in the process.

Thanks for your prayers.  I appreciate all of you!