37 1/2 weeks

Well, I've started freaking out that this little chick will have nothing to wear, and I look at these SIMPLE pieces from Carters most evenings when I'm procrastinating other things.  So yesterday I packed up Mr Benjamin headed to the mall, and made use of the Yonkers card that I had been "saving for a rainy day."  Although I didn't find the "perfect going home outfit" that I was looking for, I did find these lovely basics on sale, and snatched them up!  I LOVE soft and simple!

After my last post about my not-so-healthy anxiety level, I feel SO MUCH BETTER after my dr. apt. this morning.  I wasn't going to schedule one because my OB had yesterday and today off, and she said it wasn't necessary I come in.  But after the induction possibility and how the decision was stressing me out I knew I just needed to go in and see how things were progressing.

So I went in this morning and saw Carol - a very nice midwife.  She wasn't going to do an actual check, but instead of being quite and just going home (which i would probably normally do) , I said "Sorry, thats the only reason I'm here...Could someone check things out!"  She was more than happy to, and said "Wow, those contractions are doing something!"

I was dilated to 2 cm, 80 % effaced and -1.  (Last week was 1 cm and 50%)  I can't tell you how much peace this gave me.  I don't know why, but it did.  I was prepared to go in, have her tell me i was still 1 cm and 50%, and scowl at the idea of induction.  But instead she talked about how this baby is ready to meet me, and I'm a great candidate for induction.  

I still don't have plans to induce, and I think that we'll just let it play out, but I can't tell you the freedom and peace it gave me, knowing that I'm not a horrible person if I do decide last minute to make the 23rd "the day", and that she's more than ready to have momma hold her!  (I'm crying as I type.)   Speaking of being emotional, that might be the final decision maker on the 22nd!  I feel as though I'm going through pre-labor depression the last few days, and I just need to take charge of these hormones!

My emotions lost it yesterday while I was driving back from the mall...I was frustrated and sad about so very many things, and then I was trying to talk myself out of being so upset, rationalizing that I was just crazy and pregnant, and as the upset part of me began to overtake the rational side of me, I caught a glimpse of Benjamin in the rear view mirror belting out (in awkward vowel sounds) a song on the radio about our God.  It was such a reminder of priorities, and perspective, and love.  Thanks Benjamin!

So thats that.  I'm excited for this little girl, and to see how life changes, but also excited for the next two weeks.  I'll  try to savor life as I know it, life with just my boys, and just enjoy the excitement of anticipation.

(I said I'll try, I'm not promising anything) :)


PS: This might not be as hilarious to anyone else, but I was looking at my chart at the Dr. Office and checked out my weight last pregnancy at this stage.  I knew I" loved me some potatoes" a year a half ago, but I didn't know that I "loved me some 20lbs of potatoes" more than this pregnancy.  I guess diet coke played a factor too, but seriously.  I couldn't stop laughing.  haha

Christmas haters, stay away.

Well, its November 12th, and it finally feels like fall outside.  Normally by this time of the year, I'm begging Joel to let me listen to Christmas music, and put up decorations.  This year, I've just been thinking about if I can get away with short sleeves outside, and have barely thought about my coat!

Well, ready or not, the holidays are near, and as of 30 seconds ago, I'm allowing myself to begin listening to Christmas music.  I'm normally a "not till the week of Thanksgiving" rule person...(Although I usually make exceptions), but this year I'm afraid that with the warm weather, the arrival of Miss Littler, my sisters new baby in Dec, our unusual holiday schedule (see - before mentioned babies :) among other things, Christmas is going to get altogether ignored.  And this is devestating because it usually is my happiest time of year!  So as of today, I'm welcoming Peppermint Flavored mochas, Christmas music, and I might even watch a holiday movie or two.

I haven't been dealing with life's stresses  very well the last week or two, and that is probably a large reason for my desire for holiday cheer.  I consider myself a pretty reasonable pregnant woman.  I don't hate being pregnant like some do, and I don't think I'm that overly moody...till month 9 that is.  But now 8 1/2 months pregnant, I've lost it.  I cry all the time, and things that have been manageable for months or year, or my whole life for that matter, are suddenly the end of the world and need to get fixed right now.  So for the sake of my sanity, my children, my marriage, and happiness, LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! - or at least we can sing about it :)

Favorite Christmas CD EVER!

I'm getting an itch to shop for pink...i mean white :)

I still haven't found an affordable "coming home" outfit for my little girl that i'm in love with, but I did however find some websites, and specific pieces that I can't stop looking at...After I put them all on my blog I realized how boring I am...its all white!  Oh well.   I can't help help it that its beautiful, girly, classic, and maybe a bit impractical. :)

This first link is just a super fun website:

TeaCollection.com/BabyGirl

little miss complicated...kind of

These are 3 variates of the diaper bag I want.  I'm thankful that I can afford about a $40 bag...but lamenting that these cost $130ish.

3 weeks and 4 Days to go until my Due Date.

CRAZY!

Today I had my 36 week apt.  I think I've gained around 17 lbs, I'm measuring 36 weeks, I'm dilated to a 1 and a 1/2, and am 50% effaced.  

Now for the curve ball of the day.  I jokingly said that I wanted this little girl to arrive on the 19th, and a few minutes later my OB shocked me by saying, "well the 19th is a bit too early, but I'll induce you the 23rd if you want."  So, I'm left with the decision of - what to do!what to do!  Here are my thoughts:

• I had a great pregnancy/delivery last time...a natural progression of 1-5 cm with "intense" but bearable contractions from 5 a.m.-10:30a.m.ish...and then an epidural, hourish nap, and pushing for an hour or less...and there he was!
• I don't want to be getting home from the hospital on Thanksgiving day.  If it wasn't too early, on the 19th or 20th, I would have time to still do something for Thanksgiving...but the 23rd????
• If anything didn't well, I would always be angry at myself, thinking that it was my fault for not being patient.

• I would LOVE for Joel to have 5 days with us before students come back.(vs waiting till the 30th when students are already back from break)
• I would really like to be able to make plans for Benjamin in advance...a little more controlled situation makes me feel good)
• I would like to not be pregnant much longer
• I would like knowing Dr. Beer was going to deliver my baby
• I would like to not have to decide if we were going to travel on thanksgiving with me being pregnant...if we decide not to, I may as well have the baby early and at least have a baby instead of being sad that we're not with family (we already decided we can't go to MN, but we might end up not doing Sully either. sad. )

So there you have it.  I have more "pros" than "cons", but a couple of bigger "cons" that seem to even it out.  Thankfully we have a couple days to decide.  The other decision is whether to schedule an apt for next week.  I'm technically supposed to be going every week, but my OB is home with her kids next week, and I would have to see someone else.  I don't mind, but she said its not essential that I go.  That makes me not want to take the time to go, have them tell me "you're weight is great, your measuring great...any questions? no? o.k., bye!"  On the other hand, if I was suddenly dilated to a 3, and 75% effaced, it would make the induction decision a little easier.  Wow, I'm obviously not good at making decisions lately.  (And when others try to make them for me, I automatically want the other choice!)

I don't have a lot to complain about in the grand scheme of things.  She is super wiggly, and that makes me pretty uncomfortable sometimes.  Sleeping isn't going that great, and it doesn't help that Benjamin has had a cold and interrupting what little sleep I can find.  I've started gaining weight a lot more noticeably (on the scale and in the mirror!)  I am drinking a coffee a day, and maybe retaining more water.  Also, rather than salads and fruit that I craved the first 6.5 months, I want meat and potatoes, and ice cream.  :)  My OB thinks that this little girl is long and lean, and her mommy thinks she is either very strong or very bony!

Well feel free to comment and give advice on what to do about Little Miss's arrival.  Who knows!  She might just decide to come the 19th on her own! (stop flipping out mom - sheila.)