Well, I've started freaking out that this little chick will have nothing to wear, and I look at these SIMPLE pieces from Carters most evenings when I'm procrastinating other things. So yesterday I packed up Mr Benjamin headed to the mall, and made use of the Yonkers card that I had been "saving for a rainy day." Although I didn't find the "perfect going home outfit" that I was looking for, I did find these lovely basics on sale, and snatched them up! I LOVE soft and simple!
After my last post about my not-so-healthy anxiety level, I feel SO MUCH BETTER after my dr. apt. this morning. I wasn't going to schedule one because my OB had yesterday and today off, and she said it wasn't necessary I come in. But after the induction possibility and how the decision was stressing me out I knew I just needed to go in and see how things were progressing.
So I went in this morning and saw Carol - a very nice midwife. She wasn't going to do an actual check, but instead of being quite and just going home (which i would probably normally do) , I said "Sorry, thats the only reason I'm here...Could someone check things out!" She was more than happy to, and said "Wow, those contractions are doing something!"
I was dilated to 2 cm, 80 % effaced and -1. (Last week was 1 cm and 50%) I can't tell you how much peace this gave me. I don't know why, but it did. I was prepared to go in, have her tell me i was still 1 cm and 50%, and scowl at the idea of induction. But instead she talked about how this baby is ready to meet me, and I'm a great candidate for induction.
I still don't have plans to induce, and I think that we'll just let it play out, but I can't tell you the freedom and peace it gave me, knowing that I'm not a horrible person if I do decide last minute to make the 23rd "the day", and that she's more than ready to have momma hold her! (I'm crying as I type.) Speaking of being emotional, that might be the final decision maker on the 22nd! I feel as though I'm going through pre-labor depression the last few days, and I just need to take charge of these hormones!
My emotions lost it yesterday while I was driving back from the mall...I was frustrated and sad about so very many things, and then I was trying to talk myself out of being so upset, rationalizing that I was just crazy and pregnant, and as the upset part of me began to overtake the rational side of me, I caught a glimpse of Benjamin in the rear view mirror belting out (in awkward vowel sounds) a song on the radio about our God. It was such a reminder of priorities, and perspective, and love. Thanks Benjamin!
So thats that. I'm excited for this little girl, and to see how life changes, but also excited for the next two weeks. I'll try to savor life as I know it, life with just my boys, and just enjoy the excitement of anticipation.
(I said I'll try, I'm not promising anything) :)
PS: This might not be as hilarious to anyone else, but I was looking at my chart at the Dr. Office and checked out my weight last pregnancy at this stage. I knew I" loved me some potatoes" a year a half ago, but I didn't know that I "loved me some 20lbs of potatoes" more than this pregnancy. I guess diet coke played a factor too, but seriously. I couldn't stop laughing. haha
PS: This might not be as hilarious to anyone else, but I was looking at my chart at the Dr. Office and checked out my weight last pregnancy at this stage. I knew I" loved me some potatoes" a year a half ago, but I didn't know that I "loved me some 20lbs of potatoes" more than this pregnancy. I guess diet coke played a factor too, but seriously. I couldn't stop laughing. haha
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