Denial

Today I had my doctor appointment with the Specialist I was referred to...The Maternal Fetal Medicine office.  This weekend, I got curious about the title of the practice I would be going to so I researched Maternal Fetal Medicine, and my research just showed this...High. Risk. Pregnancy.  This may not come as news to anyone else - that my pregnancy be considered high risk - but it was absurd to me.  And then I gave myself more in-valid reasons to believe that it was embarrassing how much fuss was being made over something that would probably resolve itself.  I wished harder and harder that my apt come sooner and sooner to get me back to "normal pregnancy life" soon.

My friend once compared her high risk pregnancy to war vets, or anyone wounded on a job site. Those individuals often go crazy.  Confused about their role in life, longing for the value and satisfaction they once had, but unable to carry out the job requirements.  Thats a little bit of couch arrest feelings.  I want to do my job again.  I don't want to tell others how to do it.  I don't want to be content with it not being done.  I want the satisfaction of doing it myself.  But that sense of accomplishment isn't coming this week...or next...at least not in the same way!

 "Baby Hercules" is doing amazing.  measuring big (10 or 11 oz), ALWAYS moving, and quite the model for the camera.  He always gives us the shots we need, and looks adorable while doing so.  His nose is seriously award winning.

After the Nurse? (I'm not sure what her title was) checked ALL measurements and looked for the bleed area I was quite confident we were walking out with a clean bill of health.  Nothing seemed alarming to her(to my knowledge), and soon she left the room to grab the Doctor.

The following conversation is a blur, but the summary is this:
I have an area of blood between the baby's sac and the Placenta.  This isn't great.  The area is being called a wound and the cause is unknown...maybe pressure it received from the outside, the baby punching and kicking on the inside, or another unknowns.  The good news is that it isn't "swirling" or active blood.  The bad news is that if it gets irritated before it heals, it could essentially cause preterm labor.  (by causing separation of my placenta or by causing irritation which can lead to contractions and start labor).

Her main points of conversation were the importance to get past 28 weeks pregnancy to give this little man the best shot.  That idea was partnered with a watch and wait plan.  Because I have done little the past 4 days and the visible bleeding has stopped, she wants me to fall just short of bed rest for the next two weeks.  The idea is No activity with the goal of not irritating the wound, and not encouraging my body to contract.  In 2ish weeks we will go into my regular OB and have an ultrasound.  If I have not bled or contracted in the next two weeks, and the US shows the wound is healing, we can talk about increasing my activity.  However the truer check up will be in 6 weeks, back with the specialist, when she can analyze the wound area, and suggest a strategy.

28 weeks is 9+ weeks away, and I cannot grasp a stationary life for that long, however with hearing stats and realities of this pregnancy, I WILL sit for 2 weeks and if need be, I can for 4 more until my 6 week check up, and then I'm sure 3 more will seem like a piece of cake.  :)

I am thankful for so many blessings right now... a healthy baby, a husband who cares, a lot.  Benjamin who stops me from doing anything and reminds me of the rules :)  Violet who will assure that I do not get bored on the couch or ever stop laughing and the family, friends and church family that I cannot thank enough.

This is not the script of life I would have written for myself, but usually the most complex story lines have the best and most unexpected and thrilling endings.  I might not win an Emmy but I'm thinking I could be a nominee ;)