i just need a moment

I would like to say first and foremost that I, Victoria Louise Van Wyhe Lewicki LOVE being married to JoelBen and have never been happier than being a mom.  

Now that I have said that, I need to inform  you all of something terrible.  I think that  the social butterfly, creative hair designer, usually loud, clothing lover that you all knew and possibly loved, has vanished.  I can't find her anywhere.  And the other horrible thing is, that I don't know how hard I want to look.  

I am heavily contemplating leaving my post to the two paragraphs that precede.  But I won't.  

You see I think that if I gave it valiant effort, I could eventually locate one and maybe all of those people.  I sometimes even want to.  In the last hour I have been finding old friends and acquaintances blogs, and I that is what has located me in my current funk.  Only yesterday we were all shuffling through college, minoring in style and majoring in boys, and I felt very equivalent, and a few times felt victory in my state in life's realities.  And as I went through and "caught up" with their current lives (aka facebook and blog stalking), it hit me: They don't just look at fashion, or wish question their taste or watch creative cooking shows.  They are making the fashion, they are having the look, they are in their kitchen experimenting and succeeding.

So although I could chat HOURS and go on and on about my mundane state, I will stop myself.  I do however want to leave myself a list of facts that should comfort me, motivate me, and possibly even do the same for some of you...

• Although i may not have money, energy, or a will for constant style any longer...Hearing Benjamin giggle super hard when we're wrestling in our pajamas makes me not really care
• Life is a series of choices.  So maybe I will take one of Benjamins naps, and not worry so much about if the floor is mopped, but instead experiment with design, look at current hair, or learn how to sew so I can create some awesome accessories
• No one should concentrate this heavily, or this publicly about such silliness during that oh so depressing time of month.  

And with that, I think I will go stylishly eat a very large and very chocolaty bowl of ice cream.