Labor: the non-memory

LABOR:
I hadn't been able to sleep well for weeks (if not months) and the night before Violet's delivery was no exception.  It had been a busy busy Monday.  Knowing that you are going to deliver a baby, for sure, the next day, is a very weird feeling.  We had many errands, and To Do Jobs around the house.  I got started on my part of the list at 4 a.m., and when a nap didn't happen in the afternoon (go figure, I had a little adrenaline pumping), I was surprised that I still didn't get to sleep till after 10 on Monday night.

I woke up again at 4 Tuesday morning and showered and took my sweet time getting ready.  There is a lot of pressure getting ready to have a baby.  First of all there is the simple fact that its a big event you're getting ready for...an event that will have lots of pictures.  So whether its your hair or what you wear on the way to the hospital, you can't claim that you were caught off guard or that it was the middle of the night.  Those pictures will haunt you the rest of your life, if you're not careful!

At about 6:20, Benjamin began to stir, and I went to get him out of his crib "for the last time" as my only baby.  I was SUPER emotional, and thankfully our friends showed up shortly after that (they were watching Benjamin for the day) so I had to pull it together fast.

We got to the hospital (After getting Joel some McDonalds for breakfast) and started to get all situated in our AWESOME room.  (It was the biggest one!)  The next hour was just full of formalities, paperwork, and other similar things.  Joel tried to get us situated in the room, and I tried to wrap my mind around the idea that we were going to meet our baby soon. Our nurse was awesome and it was a great experience.

The rest of the facts are fuzzy, and possibly not accurate.  But, to my recollection:
Dr. Beer came in to break my water around 8:30.  Then the waiting game began!  We walked, rested, walked, rested, sat on the bouncy ball, ect...I don't remember a lot of details except thinking, "If Pitocin would just speed this up, then why the heck am I wasting time walking!  Lets get this show on the road!"

Well, my nurse checked me at 11ish.  I had been having very low intensity, irregular contractions, and nothing seemed to be happening.  The plan was for Dr. Beer to come check me around 12:00, and get me started on Pitocin.  However, the nurse left around 11:30, and as soon as she left the room my body kicked into delivery mode.  Seriously.  I began having 30 second contractions 1 1/2 minutes apart.  Joel was a great time keeper. The were not very fun, and I began to be sad that I had wished for them to come.  We called the nurse back into the room after 15 or so minutes, and she checked things out.  I had dilated to a 5.  I decided to get some drugs to help take the edge off (not as strong as an epidural), and this is where the details get VERY blurred!

After a little while the wimpy pain killer was not impressing me, and I said I might want an Epidural.  Joel didn't think I needed one (I have a pretty high pain tolerance and pretty fast labors) but a couple contractions after he encouraged me not have the Epidural, I vetoed him and called for the shot!  I was dilated to a 6 at this point.

The "Epidural guy" seemed to take forever, but eventually arrived and proceeded.  Here are the only memories I have of the next 1/2 hr...He was telling me to sit on the edge of bed and lean forward, which I tried to do.  He was kinda taking a long time and before I knew it I was laying on the edge of the bed on my side.  He was trying to get me sit up so he could finish the Epidural, and the nurse was telling me to stop pushing.  I did not consciously lay down, nor did I know that I was pushing.  I just knew I was feeling A LOT of pain.  I kept apologizing saying that I didn't mean to push, and the nurse was calling my OB telling her to hurry up and get back to the hospital.  I now know she was kinda holding my baby in, trying to slow down the process.

When Dr. Beer got there I think I pushed three times before deciding that I was going to have to tell them that I didn't want to do it anymore, and they would just have to get her out of me via C-Section.  I thought I had a high pain tolerance, but although I don't remember the experience well, I do remember thinking that there could be no positive ending at that point.  I told them I couldn't do it any more, and she held up 1/2 my baby girl and said I didn't have a choice and had to give one more push to finish delivering...seeing my beautiful purple (literally) baby gave me just enough motivation to finish the job.  I pushed, she cried, and I can now say that I've had a baby without an Epidural (It wasn't able to take effect).

I was a little loopy after that.  I was really concerned about her color (which was fine) and Joel tells me she cried right away, but I didn't know it, and I thought the moments afterward, she was way too quite, which also concerned me.  I had an IV in my hand that couldn't come out for a while and it really really drove me nuts. After the first couple minutes of me thinking that Violet was too quite, she began to cry, and didn't stop for a couple hours.  again - literally.  They think that she had a head ache from the birth canal, and that caused her tears.  My inability to hold her comfortably (the IV) and her sadness made this momma pretty uneasy the first few hours.  Plus I think I understood correctly that there were some effects of the drugs I had "sort of" taken.

Overall, it was a great delivery.  It was great because it was fast, because I didn't really tear at all, and because I have already blocked the awful parts!.  She was here, she was healthy and after a couple hours, I felt great!