No news is good news/17 weeks

I haven't written in a few days and that means I haven't had anything to say!  ...Which is remarkable :)  The short story is that I'm still spotting, but haven't had any heavy bleeds.  some "not so dark" bleeding in the morning, which I don't like, but not too heavy.  Also, I can't remember the last time I had scary contracting.  I'm not saying that I haven't had ANY in the last 6 days, because I forget details easily, but it hasn't been memorable or frequent :)

The other big news is that baby love is kicking.  Daddy has been gone from mid morning-1 or 2 AM the last 11 or 12 days and after my day with B and V, teenytiny and I have a date on the couch (which is happening right now).  I put the troops to bed, Violet gets up to ask me ridiculous questions once or twice, I wash my face and put my jammies on, and then its time for my date.  I sit, drink a large glass of water, and teenytiny performs gymnastics for me.  Its fantastic.

I don't know if my improved status is just a timely part of this situation.  Bound to take its turn in the events of my mysterious status.  OR...if it has anything to do with my very reduced activity level.  I've ventured out a bit more this week doing an errand here or there, or the pumpkin patch earlier this week.  But I almost always have a friend with me to be my legs or muscles.  As was the opinion of one doctor we met with, it may have NO correlation to my visible symptoms, but because some doctors have expressed wisdom in staying put, many laymen/women/friends/family have seen non-activity as an obvious route, and my husband has shared his preference of that option, I have tried my best to share in the passion for sitting.  At LEAST till 18 weeks, and at hopeful maximum untill 24 weeks.  The two biggest reasons being that 1) Joel has had no mental space for wife and baby concerns...nor time to address them, and that 2) should another bleed happen or loss of this baby, or anything in between, I needed piece of mind that I wasn't throwing caution to the wind.

Being helped has not come easy and not even been made possible by my own effort.  I have watched as the Body of Christ has come into full force. A few things I have asked for, but most have just been gifted by others listening to the Spirits nudges...Those praying from afar, putting up with my text marathons when I'm feeling anxious, a community of friends who think of me when they are out and about, a dear sister in Christ who felt God tugging at her hear to FLY across the country for two friends...her bestie who had a baby 3 months ago, and me a friend/church family/law wife friend and blogger.  God has not only blessed me with friends who help me change sheets (which I can now do myself!), mop floors, clean showers and move furniture, but meals!  During the weeks that I was contracting so much, a friend put a shout out to our women's ministry at church and I was flooded with a few hot meals and a freezer full of easy dining.  I tried to down play my need, I tried to lessen the quantity of help, but God knew what I needed even when I didn't.

Humility has been hard.  I knew I kind of had pride issues, but I didn't realize their depth.  However coming from a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" community made needing help quite embarrassing.  First of all, I kind of keep a semi clean house...but my deep cleaning, and closet organization are minimal at best.  You never have a desire to clean, like when you CANT and people are rooting through your medicine cabinet for bandaids for your 3 yr old.  Also humbling are these last two weeks when my needs have become VERY gray.  I can pour my kids glasses of milk everyday, so why not carry the milk from the car to the house.  I can stand in the shower for 10 minutes, but not walk through the corn maze.  ETC ETC ETC.  The reality is I haven't had answers for those questions, and I may or may not be the only one asking those questions, but I have had to hand my confusion over to Jesus and ask him to give me peace about every decision - the decisions to do things, and the decisions to ask for/allow help.  I stop doing when I start to feel cramping (like a period), I stop after even a couple of contractions and I have started saying yes to help in prep for those things.  I don't believe this will be my reality for much longer, but for now God is showing me that not only am I spiritual sunk without him, but I am physically and emotionally inept without the Body.  Not cooking after a day of questioning if I should have gone in for an ultrasound, taking care of B and V, and not having Joel at home has meant emotional victory!  Not having to clean the kitchen for 20 minutes when I can feel myself starting to have a bleed has meant indescribable peace that I'm doing all that I can to be smart, and can SIT and let God take care of my baby.

So thats that.  I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow and am so excited for next week when we get to hear a little heart beat again (we may even take Benjamin and Violet!), and also check in with the doctor.

The last bit of this happy post is that Joel is in bed and was asleep before 9:00 tonight.  He came home around 3:30 today and I think doesn't have to go back in until 5:30 tomorrow night (just for a few hours).  Then I think (the law school experience teaches you to start every plan with "I think") we get to ALL attend soccer games, Fall Festival in the Village and a Soccer party on Saturday.  Joy to the World. :) Finals prep starts soon, so we are going to soak in every ounce of time we get this weekend!

Thanks for all your prayers, emails, texts and love.  I am taking notes on how active ya'lls love is, and praying God shows me how to react the same with to those he places in this walk through life.

For now, I'm off to drink some more water and get this baby to wiggle!